On the Third Day of Christmas – Book 1

On the third day of Christmas On the Tudor Trail gave to me… the chance to win a copy of Unleash Your Inner Tudor: Henry VIII’s Inspirational Guide to a Completely Sizzling, Sparkly, Tyrannical, Much Wider, Demanding, and Sexier You by Andy Demsky/aka Henry VIII.

To be in the running to win this book, leave a comment after this post.

Conditions of Entry

For your chance to win a copy of Unleash Your Inner Tudor, you must be subscribed to On the Tudor Trail’s newsletter (if you are not already, sign up on our homepage where it says ‘Free Enewsletter Subscription’).

Then simply leave a comment after this post between now and 31 December 2017. Don’t forget to leave your name and a contact email. Please note that I have comment moderation activated and need to ‘approve’ comments before they appear. There is no need to submit your comment twice.

This giveaway is open internationally.

One winner will be randomly selected and contacted by email shortly after the competition closes. Please ensure you’ve added natalie@onthetudortrail.com to your address book to avoid missing my email.

Good luck!

Find Out More

The Completely Unleashed Tudor

By Andy Demsky (Henry VIII’s Groom of the Tweets)

The new book, Unleash Your Inner Tudor, is Henry VIII’s extraordinary gift to you, his sociological and biological inferiors. His biography is an exact template for a life examined, a life glorified, and, in his not-humble opinion, a life bloody well lived.

As he likes to shout at those about to crack the book’s covers, “Prepare to have greatness thrust upon you!”

This 180-page volume is not simply a collection of the king’s tweets. Like the king himself, it aims far higher and quite a bit wider. It is in every sense a kind of bible in which history’s favourite fat, ginger despot recounts scintillating stories from his life and helps you discover the lessons tucked into them, like a quail baked inside a duck baked inside a badger baked inside a swan. The idea is to guide you, Tudorsplain to you, and hopefully frighten you into becoming the best Henry VIII you can be.

In Unleash Your Inner Tudor the reader draws supremely profound life lessons from Henry’s first sexual experience with a Boleyn (not Anne), how he outwitted his cunning grandmother, the fact that he did not have his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, poisoned (like, at all!), the ways in which his leadership skills were enhanced via the magic of brain trauma, enriching himself through the nation’s first and best Brexit and much, much more.

There are lessons in love, marriage, parenting, leadership, and managing your moods with binge eating. There is the tiniest bit about beheading, but not much given that he executed only 33% of his wives, which by any standard is a very low percentage, as Henry is always keen to point out.

The book has received loads of 5-star reviews on Amazon, which is presently the only venue courageous enough to carry this transformative tome. And on that note ….

Unleash Your Inner Tudor is, regrettably, the product of a misunderstanding about how books are supposed to be written and marketed in this era. After completing this manuscript, Henry and I discovered that there is no genre called “Tudor Self-Help/Absolute Monarchy Erotica.” And as there is no genre, no editor at any publishing house large or small in the U.S. or the U.K. had any idea how to sell it.

Apparently the man of 500 years ago is also a man ahead of his time. Or slightly to the right of his time. Or, as Henry prefers to think, a man on top of his time committing upon it unspeakable acts. All may be true simultaneously, given quantum physics, etc.

At the news that modern publishers were too timorous and unimaginative to sell his volume, Henry was, as you can imagine, apoplectic. He hurled furniture, tantrummed, stropped, did a lot of rage eating, tossed Papists in the Thames, and primal-screamed into many, many, many cakes.

Had he known more about how publishing works at present he would have written it as a thriller about a sexy monarch uncovering the greatest secrets of history at breakneck speed whilst being pursued by evil Plantagenets, hideous Spaniards, and covens of ex-wives. And he would have titled it The Girl on The Tudor.

But alas, one of the greatest lessons of Henry’s life is resilience and tenacity in the face of challenge. As he likes to say once he’s taken a breath and wiped the cake from his beard is, “Keep calm and marry on.”

Enjoy!

About the Author

Andy Demsky is a writer living in Northern California. His work has appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, Los Angeles Times Magazine, and Better Homes and Gardens. He co-authored A Vineyard in Napa and Little House in the Hollywood Hills. He has been Henry VIII’s social media director — @knghnryviii — since 2010 and sincerely apologises for not being British; not being British was never part of his plan, it’s just that things happen in life and one has to deal with it all the best one can.

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Comments

  1. Wow! That’s a book I definitely want to read!

  2. Lacey S Walter says:

    Sounds like a riot! <3

  3. Thanks so much!

  4. Lisa Misak says:

    Laughed out loud reading the intro?

  5. Mariya Field says:

    Adore all things Henry IIIV you might say l guite nearly lost my head over him…Find his feminist daughter Elizabeth a cracking good ruler still wonder what went on under those dress cages & giant ruff collars though

  6. I believe l quite lost my head over all thingd Henry the IIV you feminist daughter is quite the cracking ruler wot still want to know wjats up with those dress cages and giant frilly collars

  7. Hila Huelsen says:

    So cool !! I want to definitely unleash my inner Tudor

  8. Hilary Bridewell says:

    sounds fun

  9. Lisa Evans says:

    Ha ha sounds fun

  10. Henry is my 2nd cousin, 16x removed, I pretty much read anything I can get my hands on about the Tudors.

  11. I am so proud to be one of the few people the great king follows via Twitter.

  12. Ramona Greene says:

    So tough for those of us who should have been British! ?

  13. judith hartung says:

    Still surprised you are not British. If I don’t win this book, I’m buying it. You make fat, ginger tyranny fun.

  14. Thank you so much for this exciting opportunity.
    Happy Holidays to you and yours.

  15. Margaret Lewis says:

    I unleashed my Maid Marion as a child, perhaps it’s about time I unleashed my inner Tudor now.

  16. Jennifer Russell says:

    I agree with the poster above…yes, please!

  17. As a loyal twitter subject and follower I feel one would benefit mightily from the kingly wisdom enshrined within its pages!

  18. Rachael Dickson says:

    Oh this looks ridiculous and awesome in the best of ways.

  19. Yes please

  20. Mary M Lucas says:

    I’m having a rough Christmas. I could really love having this to cheer me up. You always make me laugh, so thank you for that either way.

  21. Looks amazing!

  22. Stephanie Gould says:

    This sounds very charming.

  23. Another interesting read about Henry v111

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